Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
