Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
