You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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