Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
