omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
