You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
