If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
