I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
