Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
