At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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