You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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