Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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