k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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