So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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