don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
