wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
