What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
