it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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