I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
