Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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