Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
