I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
