He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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