So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
