You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
