i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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