i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
