Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You made out with two different species that night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
