There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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