she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
