I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
did i just pee glitter
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
