There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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