did you get engaged???
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
