I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
