I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
