On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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