Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
