I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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