So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
