I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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