I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
