ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
