WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
