That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
