Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
