"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
