It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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