i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
