so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
