OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
