I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
