Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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